The Frenchman

Dumb Love
	"Maggie!" "Maaaaaggie!" I yelled again, scanning the bar. Ray, the old guy serving up blue drinks behind the bar is giving me a crooked look. He's right under the "We reserve the right to refuse service to anybody" sign as if to remind me. Well, I reserve the right to jab him with one of those toothpick parasols if he tells me to shutup. "Maggie!!" I push my luck once more. I thought for sure she'd be here. It 's Saturday night. It's ten o'clock. Saturday night, ten o'clock, exactly one month ago-that's when I met her. Every Saturday since then I've come back to see her again. I must be just missing her. Or, something comes up at the last minute and she can't make it because I haven't seen her again. It's our one month anniversary. I thought for sure she'd be here. We thought we'd take a chance, drive by the Tiki Room, see if it's open. Nobody who knows anything relies on the business hours sign bolted to the front door. They're open when they're open and that's only when they feel like it. Lucky again-lights on, open. It didn't matter what time you got here, you'd always end up standing. I've never been here when it's empty. The doors are unlocked, a switch is thrown and all these people appear like projections from a hidden panel at a ghost town exhibit. A miniature waterfall is in the far corner of the bar with neon Tiki gods lit by black light. There are bamboo menus and fishing nets. Shellaced, puffed up puffer fish with surprised, bulging expressions hang from the ceiling. Some dim-eyed drunk put a pair of Ray Bans on one of the fish puffs and wedged a cigarette in the corner of it's puckered mouth. There's a bar, a thin crease of linoleum floor, and five tables against the wall. But, you had to be lucky and skillful to get one. It takes constant monitoring of the room to position yourself near a table full of people who have that almost out of here look. Someone said good luck comes in threes and just like that here was number two. The people at the table we were crowding were getting ready to leave. You could feel the room shift as everyone within a five foot radius of that table tensed up and angled themselves to lunge. Dan screened right, Jim screened left and I went up the middle scoring a seat. But so had somebody else. It was somebody's first date. You could see it. He was a skinny, nervous guy with an uncomfortable, pleading look in his eyes. He had no idea what to expect on this date, let alone later. She had a calm, easy look. She didn't have to worry about later. She'd already decided. That's what was driving the guy crazy. Her brown hair curled down to her shoulders. Her face was fresh, as if it had never been spoiled. If somehow she had kept that smooth, porcelain quality we're all born with but fades after years of weather and frowning. Her cheeks had a crimson flush like she had just walked in from a cold winter night, or like the one some women get after making love. She was drinking one of those two person drinks popular on first dates. The glass was shaped like two coconuts joined at the hip. There was room for all of us and I was in a social mood. I'm good at small talk with people I don't know although I usually choose to avoid it, maybe it's my Irish blood, or my mom's influence, she could go on forever. "I'm Maggie" she said rocking her coconut glass back and forth. The guy's name was Brian. "What're you drinking" she asked, reaching across the table. I was still holding the glass as she reached for it-her hand ended up on mine. "It's a Ray's Mistake." "Mind if I try?" The glass was half way to her mouth. She slid the straw between her lips and took a long drink. The ice melted a slow happy death judging from the look she was giving me behind the rim of the glass. "Want'a try some of mine?" she asked, eyes blinking slowly, sliding her coconuts towards me. "It's called Maggie's Delight." It really was a Tom-Tom Tiki. It went flirtatiously on like this for about half an hour. I felt bad for Brian. He hadn't said much and by now his eyebrows were knitted in an annoyed scrunch. He didn't need to guess how this date would end anymore. Everybody was passing their drinks around. After a while Maggie and I went up to the bar together to get another round. We wedged sideways between some people and I held out a twenty. A bartender always sees money. She was standing so close to me between those stools that I had to crane my neck back to look at her. Her right leg was between mine and her knee was bent slightly. One hand was in her pocket and the other she occasionally put on my waist to keep her balance when people shoved by. "Two Oil Can Harry's, another Ray's mistake, a Black Voodoo, and a Pirates Grog. "So's that your boyfriend?" "No, he lives in the same building I do. He's asked me out about three times and I felt bad. So here we are. Who's interested?" "Ummh, I don't know. Seems like he is, or was. No movie, dinner?" "Well, he left it up to me. He's OK. Kinda quiet. Not that exciting, really. I like it here. I come a couple times a month, Saturday nights usually. It's crowded, easy to get distracted." That poor guy. We got the drinks and carefully snaked our way back to the table. Brian was standing up when we got there, ready to go. He said something about it getting late, had to be up early and that they should go. I looked at Maggie. There wasn't much she could do-he'd driven. Maggie leaned up and kissed me softly on my lips. I wanted to get her number or meet her again, but the words were stuck in my throat like a pineapple chunk. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled as she left. I watched until she turned the corner out the door. I'll see her again I told myself. I thought for sure she'd be here tonight.

Dumb Love

   "Maggie!"
   "Maaaaaggie!" I yelled again, scanning the bar.
   Ray, the old guy serving up blue drinks behind the bar is giving me a crooked look. He's right under the "We reserve the right to refuse service to anybody" sign as if to remind me. Well, I reserve the right to jab him with one of those toothpick parasols if he tells me to shutup.
   "Maggie!!" I push my luck once more.
   I thought for sure she'd be here. It 's Saturday night. It's ten o'clock. Saturday night, ten o'clock, exactly one month ago-that's when I met her. Every Saturday since then I've come back to see her again. I must be just missing her. Or, something comes up at the last minute and she can't make it because I haven't seen her again. It's our one month anniversary. I thought for sure she'd be here.
   We thought we'd take a chance, drive by the Tiki Room, see if it's open. Nobody who knows anything relies on the business hours sign bolted to the front door. They're open when they're open and that's only when they feel like it. Lucky again-lights on, open.
   It didn't matter what time you got here, you'd always end up standing. I've never been here when it's empty. The doors are unlocked, a switch is thrown and all these people appear like projections from a hidden panel at a ghost town exhibit. A miniature waterfall is in the far corner of the bar with neon Tiki gods lit by black light. There are bamboo menus and fishing nets. Shellaced, puffed up puffer fish with surprised, bulging expressions hang from the ceiling. Some dim-eyed drunk put a pair of Ray Bans on one of the fish puffs and wedged a cigarette in the corner of it's puckered mouth. There's a bar, a thin crease of linoleum floor, and five tables against the wall. But, you had to be lucky and skillful to get one. It takes constant monitoring of the room to position yourself near a table full of people who have that almost out of here look.
   Someone said good luck comes in threes and just like that here was number two. The people at the table we were crowding were getting ready to leave. You could feel the room shift as everyone within a five foot radius of that table tensed up and angled themselves to lunge. Dan screened right, Jim screened left and I went up the middle scoring a seat. But so had somebody else. It was somebody's first date. You could see it. He was a skinny, nervous guy with an uncomfortable, pleading look in his eyes. He had no idea what to expect on this date, let alone later. She had a calm, easy look. She didn't have to worry about later. She'd already decided. That's what was driving the guy crazy. Her brown hair curled down to her shoulders. Her face was fresh, as if it had never been spoiled. If somehow she had kept that smooth, porcelain quality we're all born with but fades after years of weather and frowning. Her cheeks had a crimson flush like she had just walked in from a cold winter night, or like the one some women get after making love. She was drinking one of those two person drinks popular on first dates. The glass was shaped like two coconuts joined at the hip.
   There was room for all of us and I was in a social mood. I'm good at small talk with people I don't know although I usually choose to avoid it, maybe it's my Irish blood, or my mom's influence, she could go on forever.
   "I'm Maggie" she said rocking her coconut glass back and forth.
   The guy's name was Brian.
   "What're you drinking" she asked, reaching across the table. I was still holding the glass as she reached for it-her hand ended up on mine.
   "It's a Ray's Mistake."
   "Mind if I try?" The glass was half way to her mouth.
   She slid the straw between her lips and took a long drink. The ice melted a slow happy death judging from the look she was giving me behind the rim of the glass.
   "Want'a try some of mine?" she asked, eyes blinking slowly, sliding her coconuts towards me. "It's called Maggie's Delight."
   It really was a Tom-Tom Tiki.
   It went flirtatiously on like this for about half an hour. I felt bad for Brian. He hadn't said much and by now his eyebrows were knitted in an annoyed scrunch. He didn't need to guess how this date would end anymore.
   Everybody was passing their drinks around. After a while Maggie and I went up to the bar together to get another round.
   We wedged sideways between some people and I held out a twenty. A bartender always sees money. She was standing so close to me between those stools that I had to crane my neck back to look at her. Her right leg was between mine and her knee was bent slightly. One hand was in her pocket and the other she occasionally put on my waist to keep her balance when people shoved by.
   "Two Oil Can Harry's, another Ray's mistake, a Black Voodoo, and a Pirates Grog.
   "So's that your boyfriend?"
   "No, he lives in the same building I do. He's asked me out about three times and I felt bad. So here we are. Who's interested?"
   "Ummh, I don't know. Seems like he is, or was. No movie, dinner?"
   "Well, he left it up to me. He's OK. Kinda quiet. Not that exciting, really. I like it here. I come a couple times a month, Saturday nights usually. It's crowded, easy to get distracted."
   That poor guy.
   We got the drinks and carefully snaked our way back to the table. Brian was standing up when we got there, ready to go. He said something about it getting late, had to be up early and that they should go. I looked at Maggie. There wasn't much she could do-he'd driven.
   Maggie leaned up and kissed me softly on my lips. I wanted to get her number or meet her again, but the words were stuck in my throat like a pineapple chunk. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled as she left. I watched until she turned the corner out the door. I'll see her again I told myself.
   I thought for sure she'd be here tonight.